So Blessed ... 

I have just been so blessed by God lately in my Scripture reading and time spent with Him (as well as reflection on my life in general in light of the cross). After having looked back on my life in high school (pre turning back to Christ), there is just such destruction and misery all in my paths. I was full of rage, malice, deceitfulness, just pure evil, and all sorts of other junk. It's amazing I made it out alive from those days. There was several points that I really should have died. Sometimes, after having been delivered from such wickedness and hardness of heart, time can go by and you can forget what all happened back then. Man I was a loser, nothing in me worth saving. Why would God even consider me? How insignificant could I have been while I essentially gave Him the finger? I was so bent on seeking out what I wanted over against what He wanted, that I spat in His face at every turn. There were definitely times of remorse for my sin against Him, but I would quickly turn back to that sin, thus causing more destruction and misery, all around me. I carried with me much collateral damage. I caused so many people to suffer. Oh God, I am unworthy of anything. I deserved such torture for all eternity in hell for the way I trampled on Your glory. Even now, though I no longer live in those ways by Your grace alone, I pray You would continually cleanse me from further unrighteousness and give me a deeper repentance from all wickedness, pride, and self-righteousness. LORD, sovereign King, thank You for sending Your Son to be the propitiation for my sins, turning away the wrath of God. Lord Jesus, You are the lovely, holy, almighty God who took away my sin forever. I love You.
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